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If you’re me you remind yourself not to fall for Holly. You repeat it a few times until it sounds true, but no so many that it doesn’t sound like words anymore. Me? The real me? I’m back at my desk looking in the little mirror trying to draw a line somewhere.Costume shopping is surreal when you’re me and you’ve been wearing one for a month already. You’re not picking something that suits you, you’re picking something that suits your fake life your fake friends and your fake everything else. I’m an Ugly Monster in a Great Guy costume out looking for an Ugly Monster costume. It’s not hard to find. You barely have to look. I take it home and put it on and take a picture and post it. If you’re Holly, you Like it. You like it a lot. You post a picture of yourself in your cheerleader outfit and your fake blood and your pigtails and I get absolutely rock hard looking at you. Just Holly wears skirts every day; they’re gray and come to the knee and fit the way they’re supposed to. Halloween. I was determined not to give into Dionn and just find out what he was like. We saw each other that night and every night for a week. He tried to end every night in bed or the back of his car and I resisted. He began the pouting then and I told him he could have me, but if he did, that would be the end. I wanted a boyfriend, not a fuck date. About 2 weeks later I gave into him and it was wonderful. But, then every night was supposed to end with sex. We had so much fun together that the sex seemed a right and fitting end to a night. But it was always a fight for him to get more, to get me to do more. That was over a year ago and it's snowballed into what we have now." Pam said as she began to tear up and sniffle."God, I love him so much and want to make love to him all of the time, but he makes it such a guilt trip for me. I feel like if I let him do something different he may pick up the phone and call his friends to tell them about his new conquest. Why can't he just smother me like I.
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